I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
