I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize