Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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