I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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