Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
