ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize