It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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