I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize