Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
she peed on how many people?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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