this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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