i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
