Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
