So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
