Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
