No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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