Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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