So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize