Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
