If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
