I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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