If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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