Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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