Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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