pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
