we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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