do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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