i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
