so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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