you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
