I'm lost and stupid without you.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
