Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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