We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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