I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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