So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just high enough for therapy.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
