Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
