I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
