I can tuck mytits in my pants
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize