If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize