he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Randomize
