I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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