never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
