I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
So here I am, sexting at work.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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