Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
