I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
