he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
