If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
