your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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