He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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