I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
