dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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