$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
They took my balls.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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