We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
