last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
