dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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