If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize