Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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