Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
