come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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