Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
