I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
