I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
