It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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