I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
