There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
