I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
