remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
