Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
