Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
