I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize