she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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