He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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