What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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