this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
