im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
